Veterans come from all walks of life. Some, more accepted than others. If you ask 10 different people what being a veteran means to them, you will likely get at least seven different answers. Patriotism. God and country. Stuck in a dead-end job. With that being said, you will get different approaches to being in the military, which leads to varying degrees of self-righteousness in being classified as a veteran.
Humbleness, when it comes to veterans, is a virtue.
There are three kinds of veterans. First, we have what I like to call the “thank me for my service veteran.” They must advertise. This veteran needs constant affirmation of his veteran status and must be praised for his time in the service and requires society to kiss their a** whenever you are in their presence. If you miss your turn at bending the knee, you will more likely than not be referred to as a libtard, socialist, or some other colloquial term.
The second kind of veteran are the ones that acknowledge their service, may have one or two stickers on their vehicle, may have a shirt or a hat depicting the war or campaign they were a part of. Possibly a member of the VFW or DAV and usually chill to be around. Most importantly, they realize the military is not the be-all-end-all but does appreciate what they’ve done as far as service to their country.
The third kind of veteran has become an activist and speaks out about the atrocities they have seen and possibly committed but wants to bring them to the attention of the American citizens because the news outlets damn sure won’t. The activist may or may not regret their service but at the same time acknowledges they may have done some things that weren’t as just and pure as advertised in the recruiter’s office. Veteran’s 2 and 3 get along reasonably well, which is the opposite of veterans 1 and 3. Oil and water will mix before they will.
Where do I fit in? I’m somewhere in between 2 and 3. I retired in 2017 after 20 years; deployed around eight times. I experienced a few “sketchy” encounters while at sea but was never in real danger as if I was on the ground. I must say that when I say “real danger,” I’m comparing my time on a ship versus those that are on the ground and the front lines. Being at sea is still inherently dangerous, but I was way more comfortable on an aircraft carrier than carrying 100 lbs on my back, living in the desert. With this being said, I have been stationed with numerous folks who, as they would have you believe, are the second coming of Douglas MacArthur landing on Leyte Island in the Philippines. At the same time, I’ve also been stationed with some of the absolute best people that I will ever meet in any lifetime.
Now, please believe that I am not trying to sound like your patriotism turned to 11, and your car splattered in Punisher stickers is a bad thing. It’s not. Embrace your convictions and live your best life (unless you’re a racist Nazi twit, then you’re on your own). Veterans are a distinguished bunch. At the same time, we are are caretakers of contradiction. Overall, I enjoyed my 20 years. As with any job, you’re going to have ups and downs. People who you don’t care for. Maybe make long-lasting friendships. To coin the old slogan, “The Navy is not a job, it’s an adventure.” And that’s precisely how I would describe my time. It was definitely an adventure—pain, smiles, joy, and sometimes fear.
The military is changing, albeit slowly. Hopefully, we can weed out the misogyny, homophobia, transphobia and truly embrace what the military preaches regarding inclusivity.
Outside of the fall holidays, I was never a cheerleader of the other holidays. Some folks can, and some cannot understand why I’m indifferent when it comes to the 4th, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, even Labor Day. My reasoning, I try to live a life that acknowledges what this country has been through—both the good and the bad and not wait for the yearly reminder. I realize the day is for recognition and appreciation of the sacrifices made; however, some folks have weaponized the day, which diminishes why we are acknowledging the veterans in the first place.
Sacrifice. A word that all veterans know and know well. I remember going to a therapy appointment at the Naval Hospital in Portsmouth, Va. I was sitting in the lobby waiting to be seen, and a veteran came in; and he’s missing a leg, and his arm was in a sling. Sacrifice. I’m always talking with my wife about Veteran’s Day and my ongoing quest to find humbleness and put my 20 years into perspective. I’ve always felt uncomfortable when people “thank me for my service.” I always say thank you with a smile, but it just doesn’t feel right on the inside. All my body parts are in working order (the joints hurt, but at least they’re still there). Most importantly, I’m still alive. In my quest for humbleness, I tend to downplay my time in the military. I remember a conversation Nicki and I had a few years ago. I was on Minesweepers (super small ships that find water mines), and we deployed a lot; I mentioned that the military is a volunteer job just like any other job. She looked at me and said, how many birthdays, anniversaries, surgeries, Christmas’, Thanksgiving, and weddings have you missed? Sacrifice. She went on to say it may be voluntary, but you’re doing something that many people don’t, won’t, and can’t do. Sacrifice.
The conversation I had with my wife that night has stayed with me ever since. It’s helped me with my struggles in embracing my veteran’s status. For years I would compare my time with those who have lost limbs, life or have been made to feel inferior. As time has gone on, I’ve learned to accept my own sacrifices. We’re all veterans. Regardless of sexual orientation, gender, or nationality. I hope one day that when we say it doesn’t matter who is in the fox hole with me, as long as they are on my side, we truly mean it. We’re all veterans.
Every Veteran’s Day, I think about those that have gone before me. I think of those that have made history with their selfish acts of blind faith to service and unmeasurable bravery. I think about the veterans that were kicked out of the military because of who they loved. I think about the veterans who, for their entire career, had to live a lie because of who they kissed. Sacrifice.
Sacrifice doesn’t care who you sleep with, what your gender is, where you’re from, or who you vote for. We could learn a lot from sacrifice.
Happy Veteran’s Day.
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